Metanoia

by Andrew Judah

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about

Writing music can be like painting in the dark. There is a lot of uncertainty involved. To me, if an artist knows exactly what they want to say, then they aren’t reaching beyond their own understanding, they are preaching. Which is the domain of politics or religion. Music can touch on those subjects but is something else entirely.

Metanoia began as a concept - a series of 7 EP’s over 7 months. Each EP was written, recorded, produced and released one month at a time. The intention was to see what would happen if I removed the luxury of time from my creative process.

These self-imposed deadlines produced some unique results. The time constraints forced me down certain paths I might have otherwise avoided. I am not a perfectionist, but I am very particular about my music.

One example would be the song “Through You”. It features several elements that are outside of my wheelhouse. It is upbeat and somewhat danceable. The vocals are very processed. Not auto-tune, but a similar effect. It is part “remix” and features many resampled elements from another track from the Metanoia series, “Blinding Light”. Ironically, this is one of my favourite tracks on the album. I would have scrapped it or gone in a totally different direction with it, had I given myself the time to do so.

The studio is my playground. I love production and arrangement. I am a multi-instrumentalist, and with the help of my good friend Zac Gauthier (Drums), the music part came easy.

The most difficult part for me is always the lyrics. I wanted this album to be very personal and honest. At times I wrote about my struggles with belief in a higher power, and at other times I wrote about struggling to believe in myself.

So here they are. Imperfect, honest, and finished. All 22 tracks, remastered and compiled into a full-length album. I’m very proud of this album and I hope you enjoy it. - Andrew Judah

credits

released September 30, 2017

Written & recorded by Andrew Judah at his home in Kelowna, BC
Produced by Andrew Judah & Zac Gauthier
Sounds Suspicious Music Publishing (SOCAN)
Drums performed by Zac Gauthier
Upright bass on "Blinding Light" performed by Jonathan Tromsness
Art, design & extra vocals on "Nothing but Questions" by Anthony Martens
Originally released as a 7 part EP series between
June 6, 2016, and April 7, 2017

Thank You

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about

Andrew Judah Kelowna, British Columbia

Canadian musician Andrew Judah is obsessed with two things. Painting with sound, and the search for meaning. A restless creator, known for his combination of memorable pop melodies and complex musical arrangements.

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Track Name: Die
live alone ‘till you die
I don’t care about you no more
you can go to hell and burn alive
and I won’t cry at all
Track Name: Hell?
you were just what I needed
that’s what everyone said
so I wanted to meet you

almost love at first sight
introduced by a friend
so I thought that I knew you

I have something to ask you
that I couldn't back then
I am over it now

if I’m one of your children
if I’m right or I'm wrong
should it matter at all

what if I go out searching
and I wonder too far
will you let me back in

or will you call me a Thomas
or a peter? a Judas?
will you call me your friend

or will you send me to hell?
for the ways that I’m different
for the hopes you put in me
for the doubts in my mind
for my passage through time
for the place I was born in
for the home I was raised in
and the people who love me
do you love me at all?

you were just what I needed
that's what everyone said
so I wanted to meet you

now I’m too scared to leave you
but I still don’t believe you
I’m afraid of the dark
Track Name: Blinding Light
blinding light that knows no sleep
I run from you, you burn my feet
in the shade I find no sleep
your heavy shadow smothers me

darkness falls but I don’t sleep
I wait for you, you wait for me
lonely speck, the pale blue dot
spins round and round as I depart

who am I apart from you
a better man? prodigal son?
staggering beyond belief
your arms reach out to strangle me
Track Name: Proof
when I was young I came to you
you stole my heart and no one knew
and in the shadows of my youth
I earned the scars, I have the proof

when I inhaled that strange perfume
I lost myself and bowed to you
what wasn’t said became the truth
I earned the scars, I have the proof

the setting concrete in my bed
the lonely nightmares in my head
and in the wake of things unsaid
I earned the scars, I have the proof

surrounded yet I am alone
surrender to the great unknown
nobody knows me quite like you
these fading scars are now my proof
Track Name: Fear
you fear the dark
I seek the truth
I’m not like you
you play your part
I make my move
it’s nothing new

What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?

you trust the word
I ask for proof
I’m not like you
your stagnant heart
I fear for you
it’s nothing new

What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?

What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?
What’ll I do?

maybe I’m just like you are
tell did you feel the same
hope I don’t end up like you
Track Name: Fool in Love
all of the world
is a mess
what can I do
can't find the words
to confess
how I love you

and I'm afraid
I'm a fool in love
hope I don't screw this up
sunshiny girl

I feel the world
pressing down
from above me
but when you smile
I forget
and I love you

and I'm afraid
I'm a fool in love
hope I don't screw this up
sunshiny girl

and I'm afraid

hope I don't screw this up
sunshiny girl
Track Name: Blue
Maybe you don’t know what I need
Maybe all of you is not enough for me
When I offer you affection, you run from me
Maybe you don’t know what I need

Maybe you don’t see what I see
Maybe blue for you is more like red for me
When I offer you affection, you run from me
Maybe you don't see what I see

You put a spell over me
I was blind now I see
I was lost in a dream
Hold me down, hold me down
You put a spell over me
I was lost in a dream
I was blind now I see
Hold me down, hold me down

Maybe you don't breath how I breathe
Maybe right for you is more like left for me
When I offer you affection you run from me
Maybe you don't breath how I breathe
Track Name: Empty Rooms
For so long I have tried
Pushed you out of my mind
Bit my tongue and I swallowed my blood and my pride
For so long I have tried

For so long you have lied
Don’t play nice, you’re not nice
Fooled me over and over and over again
For so long you have lied
Track Name: I Might Be Wrong
I slipped between the cracks
I’m right beneath the surface

And you wouldn't believe
What’s happening to me

I gave up on the past
I’m questioning the purpose

And you wouldn’t believe
What’s happening to me
I know I might be wrong
I know I might be wrong

I tore myself apart
I put myself together

And you wouldn’t believe
What’s happening to me
I know I might be wrong
I know I might be wrong

And you wouldn’t believe
What’s happening to me
I know I might be wrong
I know I might be wrong

I wandered off the path
I know it makes you nervous
Track Name: Ricochet
holy night
ricochet
deja vu
foolish holiday

blinding light
find the shade
out of view
plan my getaway

sleepless nights
lonely days
thoughts of you
lead me astray

out of sight
far away
gone from you
finally got away
Track Name: Outta My Head
I trust in myself
again and again

going nowhere
all of these years
am I losing control
please let me know

I’m all by myself
passed over again

going nowhere
spinning my wheels
am I out of control
please let me know

reign over me
reign over me
reign over me
am I out of my head when I say…

I’ll do it myself
start over again

going nowhere
digging my heals in
I need to control
please let me go

reign over me
reign over me
reign over me
am I out of my head when I say…

still don’t have a clue
are you my guide or a snake or a ghost
still running from you
are you my bride or the wake of a boat
here’s one thing I know

I’m doubting myself
all over again
Track Name: Cell Mates
me and my brother got out
we were born in a cell
we were born in a cell

we found another way up
and we’re doing so well
and we’re doing so well

we’re not going to hell
we’re not going to hell

don’t worry mother, calm down
you were serving us well
you were serving us well

we’ve both recovered, slowly
and nobody can tell
and nobody can tell

stepped into the white light and
ran towards the end the tunnel
just to find there’s nobody there

we’re not going to hell
we’re not going to hell

sorry but there’s nobody there

ok

we’re not going to hell
we’re not going to hell
Track Name: Nothing but Questions
small crimes, always get the best of me
hard lines, have we lost the in-between

strange times, constant state of disbelief
red signs, that nobody seems to see

right now I’m full of nothing but questions
you know I find it hard to believe
someday I hope you see what I see

rewrite, change into a different key
hindsight will not get the best of me

insight, both a whisper and a scream
delight, in the possibilities

right now I’m full of nothing but questions
you know I find it hard to believe
someday I hope you see what I see

you will
you will
you will

right now I’m full of nothing but questions
you know I find it hard to believe
someday I hope you see what I see
Track Name: Stare into the Sun
I’m either stressed or just bored
can’t decide
not sure if I’ll ever be
satisfied

toe the line
draw the line

am I a stick in the mud
paralyzed
maybe it’s all in the blood
fossilized

toe the line
draw the line

sometimes I stare into the sun
I dream that I could run
I really want to run away

toe the line
draw the line
Track Name: Lonely Light
I’m asking you to go away
I really don’t have the time
to foster you or shelter you
inside my heart or my mind
I’m pushing you but you won’t move
how can I leave you behind
if I made you, you came from me
I guess I’m losing my mind

who knows how I’ll forget you
who knows how I’ll make it through
lonely light

all my life I’ve run from you
only a shadow of mine

who knows how I’ll forget you
who knows how I’ll make it through
lonely light
lonely light
lonely light
Track Name: Interloper
I’ve been away for awhile
did you miss me
I see the hint of a smile
oh!

will you remain in the light
or follow me
you say you won't but you might
oh!

we’ll have to see

I might just stay for awhile
choke your esprit
drown in the muck and the mire
oh!

throwing your weight out of spite
wrestle with me
I’ll keep you up every night
oh!

I might just stay
Track Name: Vain Confabulations
for some reason I can't explain
it takes everything that I've got
love to please but then woe is me
if you press for more than I want

where are you now
don’t be so glib about it
don’t try to complicate what is not
where are you now
sit down and talk about it
no vain confabulations of plot

what I’m feeling
is just a feeling
I don’t believe it at all
it’s all in my head
I’m seething
for no good reason
I don’t believe it at all

where are you now
don’t be so glib about it
don’t try to complicate what is not
where are you now
sit down and talk about it
no vain confabulations of plot

ooo I’m all out of reasons
I gave it my best now I’m done
ooo I know that it’s treason
I gave it my best now I'm gone
Track Name: Through You
I am me
I am no-one else and cannot be
so let it bleed
fill the page again or atrophy

does it read
like indifference or sincerity
I am free
I was blind but now I sort of see
through you

disagree
well it doesn’t really bother me
we can be
worst of friends or best of enemies

can't you read
in-between these lines of revery
I am free
I was blind but now I sort of see

through you

am I repeating myself over and over
at night I’m always turning over and over
a voice in my head
whispers to me
sends me a message of love
like this song
voice in my head
please leave me be
or send me a message of love
like this song, like this song, like this song...
Track Name: Metanoia
Saw the light behind us all and could not shake it
Dancing figures on the wall are only shadows
I was dragged into the sunlight cold and naked
Take me back it’s far too deep I miss the shallow

Dancing round the sun
Take it easy
Walk before you run
Metanoia
You can't fake it

Saw the writing on the wall so I erased it
Dancing circles 'round the man I thought I once was
Now I’m undergoing total transmutation
Take these words for what they are I have no answers

Dancing round the sun
Take it easy
Walk before you run
Take it easy
Slowly come undone
Take it easy
Metanoia
You can't fake it
Track Name: Live
Go live your life
It’s the only one you get
No one's ever been
To the other side and back

Just keep looking up to the stars
Know you are and you might

Find your way back
To wherever you belong
Yes it’s gonna be
Very difficult at first

Just keep looking up to the stars at night
Know who you are or you might…

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